Is he no longer a Survivor?

In the wake of MIPCOM, television’s buying and selling junket held on the beaches at Cannes each year, networks around the world have been revealing what they hope to be the big hits of 2009.  Although there was talk of economic downturn the world over, there’s still a thirst for gameshows, crime drama and anything with the word interactive in the pitch. 

 

Then there’s Mark Burnett, super-producer.  The name behind Survivor, The Apprentice and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader has revealed his latest offering to the tv world.  Live Like You’re Dying is being piloted by CBS.  It’s a reality show that grants terminally ill people a final wish (and the opportunity for them to share that with the viewing public).  Tears are guaranteed as we share time with a perfectly cast dying person embracing what is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity.  However, whether they choose to cruise the Nile or beat up Sylvester Stallone, it is hard to believe that we’ll find the proper empathy for anyone who would choose to spend their final days with a camera in their face and a producer saying ‘can you put that thing you said about fearing death into a proper sentence?’.

It takes guts

During the 5th season of Seinfeld, I discovered that myself and Jerry had something in common.  The episode was called The Dinner Party – the one where all four characters are shopping for things to take to a friend’s place where they’ve been invited for an evening meal.  Elaine and Jerry are in line at a bakery trying to buy Babka when Jerry downs a black and white cookie that ends up making him ill, thus breaking his 14 year long run of not throwing up.

 

Now, I haven’t chucked since 1989, when I was sick with some flu.  That’s right, I’ve held on through all of the subsequent heavy drinking years and contagious diseases.  So when I heard about G4’s new gameshow, my stomach did an involuntary flip as I typed the title ‘Hurl’ into Youtube.

 

The intellectually rigorous premise of Hurl is that strong-stomached contestants (surprisingly, mainly blokes) eat a specifically scheduled choice of foods and then take on physical challenges, while keeping it all down.  The last one to lose their lunch bags $1000.  At least I believe that’s what happens.  I couldn’t bring myself to actually watch the clip, in case my own record was broken.

 

Hurl hasn’t broken any ratings records, but did top Entertainment Weekly’s list of 35 most appalling TV shows ever. It beat out Cheaters, a show about a dwarf groom looking for love and Jerry Springer. Now that takes real guts.

Murder on the studio floor

A pitch for a new TV show often starts with ‘it’s this meets that’. For example, Project Runway is a Victoria Secret Show meets Idol or Wipeout is It’s A Knockout meets Judge Judy (wait til someone sues for permanent injury and the judge has to ask when they thought it was going wrong). Taking this into account, you can imagine the pitch for the UK’s new show Diet on the Dance Floor. It’s Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing With the Stars) meets The Biggest Loser. Over eight episodes tubby contestants sweat it out in choreographed fashion and dance off against one another each week. Both dance style and weight loss will be considered in deciding who gets sent home. As they progress, the dance routines will get more physically challenging as the outfits will undoubtedly get skimpier.

It’s a bit like your slightly tubby uncle meets a patch of sticky carpet late at night in any suburban pub.

Do we need another Heather Mills?

BBC3 last week launched a new beauty talent search with a twist – BRITAIN’S MISSING TOP MODEL. Eight spunky girls, each with a disability, battle it out to become England’s next top model. The show’s first episode premiered well, delivering 30% above the broadcaster’s average. It certainly appears that having a limb missing doesn’t affect a contestant’s ability to bitch and moan. The first few minutes preview the entire series. Is it empowering to watch imperfect women getting photographed in underwear or nude? Will we be inspired by watching them roll down the catwalk? And how did they find a wheelchair accessible penthouse for the girls to share??

A possible way to save Big Brother

In this article, a US journalist attends an intensive press launch for Big Brother USA, and suggests that locking up the producers could lead to the Next Big Thing…

Are you for real?

Last week Fox Reality Channel in the US announced that it had commissioned a new series that pits former reality tv ’stars’ against one another to win their very own reality TV show. Obviously they are casting from a very shallow pool of those who were voted off early, because anyone vaguely talented has already been booked for a high profile gig on something like Celebrity Singing Bee or Hole In The Wall. Since production doesn’t start until later in the year there may be time to get involved. A new service offered by The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills may qualify you for Fox. As part of their newly launched Academy program, US$2500 buys you an Emmy award winning crew who’ll document your antics for 24 hours. Like all good reality fodder, the raw footage will be retained by the producers and you’ll be given edited package that surely will only highlight your best qualities.

Only in America

With an actor’s strike looming in a post-writer’s strike world, there’s one thing for certain – more reality television. One New Yorker has embraced this opportunity whole heartedly by running classes for wannabe contestants.

If you’ve ever chosen to use your time to wince at Idol auditions, learn business skills from The Trump or feel superior to The Real Housewives of Orange County, then dedicate a few minutes to this brilliant article.

The Apprentice
My day at reality-TV school.
By Troy Patterson

The mind behind Big Brother wants to read your thoughts

It used to be that everyone had a book in them.  Now, thanks to user-generated-content and global media saturation, we are led to believe that we all have something worthy of shooting, editing and being watched.  In other words, an idea for a TV show.

 

One man who knows all too well how difficult it is to make it big on TV is John De Mol – originally one half of the production giant Endemol.  He was one of the founding fathers of Big Brother - a scribble called The Golden Cage that initally appeared on a page in a 1997 brainstorm session.  Two years later it appeared on Dutch television and it took a further three years to invade other territories.  

 De Mol eventually left Endemol and set up his new venture Talpa and now he wants to hear your ideas for reality programming, via his public access site - www.talpacreative.com . 

There’s not much on offer until you register as a user, which means giving over your email address and a reason why you should be part of the collective creative.  Then you wait.  It only took me an hour to be given a password, but in that time I did think that maybe I wasn’t going to make it.  How am I going to go if I actually send them an idea?… which I am obligated to do twice a month if I want to keep the subscritption. And you can’t just put in one liners.  Every thought has to be supported by a title, logline, a fleshed out page or two plus a description of your relationship with TV.

 

The incentive is that there’s $50 000 up for grabs, although it’s not clear if that’s for one great idea or for all players to split.  If Talpa US like the sound of the idea (and no one in their global company has had a vaguely related idea according to the Terms and Conditions) they’ll produce it on De Mol’s own tv network in The Netherlands. If it’s a hit it’ll be a fast track to global domination and hopefully a timeslot in a country where you get to see your handy work.

 

So for you to succeed, the Dutch have to like it.  Perhaps the I can increase the chance of success if I pitch an idea inspired by their lifestyle. Something about surviving in a concrete shell -  Dutch rental properties come totally empty – no carpet, no stoves, no nothing.  Surely something about stopping global warming would be hot – the rising oceans are going to hit hard in a country that is 80% below sea level.  My other thought is a program that captures the local ethos of living with your curtains open.  Take a night time walk around any suburb in the Netherlands and you’re likely to see more than what’s on show in the Red Light district.  Oh, I guess Big Brother already did that.

 

Let me know if what’s in your head leads you to get your hands on any of that Talpa cash.

 

 

Oh Ricky You’re So Fine

Even with funky promos, viewer-chasing stunts and new hosts, Big Brother Australia is off to its weakest debut ever.  In a predictable turn of events, the oldest housemate was the first to be evicted and naked pictures of the shortest ever housemate have been sourced on the net. 

 

There’s no way I could say it any better than this awesome clip from Ricky Gervais’ Extras Christmas Special.  Hopefully this gem will turn up on local screens before Gretel Killeen appears as the surprise intruder.

 

 

 

 

 

Can TV ever Pay-It-Forward?

On Sunday March 2^nd at 9pm Oprah Winfrey’s first foray into primetime, reality television lit up the screens. ABC in the US aired the first episode of Oprah’s Big Give. 15.6 million viewers tuned in to see the billionaire talk-show queen preside over her latest vision. It was the third highest rating premiere in the US this year; beaten by Moment of Truth and The Sarah Connor Chronicles (I’m assuming this is not the same group of 15 odd million Americans). It’s hosted by one of Oprah’s flock of discoveries – interior designer Nate Berkus. Guess we’re lucky it’s not Dr Phil.

Contestants travel to unfamiliar towns across the US (two of the exec producers came from The Amazing Race) and use an allocated budget to help the hopeless in unique ways, to become America’s greatest philanthropist.

The contestants earned their place by filling out a comprehensive 11-page application. The Big O’s stamp is all over the form. From the subtle ‘What pets do you own or have you owned?’ to the blatant ‘How often do you watch The Oprah Winfrey Show?’ But my favourite question by far was ‘Excluding appearance and involvement with this show, what is the next meaningful milestone that you will be set to experience in your life?’ Check out the ten people who worked out how to answer that and fulfilled the need for great back story.

Like all reality constructs, there’s a catch phrase ‘Give big, or go home.’ The contestants’ efforts to do this are judged by a motley trio – Jamie Oliver is the nice guy, Malaak Compton-Rock who used to work for the UN is the woman who sits in the middle and football player Tony Gonzalez is the bad cop. Each episode ends with the worst giver or the least altruistic or the most selfish player being kicked out. The Big Give Big Twist is that the last man standing gets $1 million and they don’t know it.

The reviews have been mixed. The Hollywood Reporter called it ‘Shallow as a birdbath’ and even those who liked it are not sure about using altruism as competition.

The second episode aired last night and the audience slipped by 25%. It’s a pity, because if the ratings remained high there’d surely be an Aussie version and Oprah’s already found her Aussie host. Anyone for Jamie Durie’s Big Give? At least he’s used to chasing ratings by standing next to poverty-stricken subjects as they cry over their surprise gifts.